How to Help a Parent Who Won't Admit They Can't Hear

The TV is louder every visit. Phone calls end with "what?" more often. Family dinners leave your mom or dad nodding along without really following. You can see the hearing loss, but they say they hear just fine. That is very common, and it can be handled kindly.

Why parents push back

• It happens slowly. Age-related hearing loss usually creeps in over years, so it is hard for the person to notice.
• It feels like getting old. Hearing aids can feel like a label people do not want.
• Cost worries. Many people still think hearing aids always cost thousands of dollars.
• Bad memories. They may remember a relative's bulky, whistling hearing aids from decades ago.

Pick the right moment

Choose a calm, quiet time, one-on-one, ideally face to face. Not at a noisy family dinner, and not right after a frustrating misunderstanding. Your parent should be able to hear you easily, or the talk will prove the point in the worst way.

What to say

Talk about specific situations and how they feel, not about the person. Some openers that work:

• "I've noticed the TV has to be pretty loud for you lately. Is it harder to follow shows than it used to be?"
• "I love our phone calls, and I feel like you're missing some of what I say. Can we try something to make them easier?"
• "The kids want to talk to you more at dinner. I'd love for you to be part of it."

What to avoid

• Saying "you're going deaf" or making jokes about it in front of others
• Bringing it up when you are annoyed
• Ganging up with the whole family at once
• Expecting a yes on the first conversation

Make the next step small

A big decision is easier as a small step. Offer one of these:

1. A hearing test. Many hearing clinics offer one, and it gives you both real information.
2. An OTC hearing aid with a money back guarantee. For perceived mild to moderate loss, OTC hearing aids can be tried at home with no appointment. If they do not help, they can go back.
3. Doing it together. Offer to unbox them, charge them and set them up with your parent.

When to see a doctor instead

Encourage a doctor visit first if your parent has ear pain, drainage, dizziness, sudden hearing loss, ringing in one ear, or hearing loss in only one ear, or cannot follow speech even when it is loud and close.

Once they say yes

• Help with the first setup and the ear tip fit.
• Encourage a few hours a day at first, building up over two to three weeks.
• Face them when you talk, and do not cover your mouth. Hearing aids work best with good conversation habits too.
• Be patient. Everyday sounds can seem loud at first while the brain adjusts.

Our guide to getting used to new hearing aids is a good one to share with them.